JUSTICE 101

homerskid · Sat Jun 16, 2007 3:09 pm Judge with 54 million dollar pants,being sued

June 14, 2007

Judge Roy Pearson’s Ex Files Suit Against Him Claiming World Was Never “Rocked”

In a cruel twist of fate Roy Pearson, the man who filed a $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner who lost his pants, now finds himself on the defensive. Pearson’s former girlfriend Melissa DeLoach has filed suit against him for failing to live up to his own lofty guarantees of coital performance.

“Quite frankly, my client feels duped,” said DeLoach’s attorney, J.D. Shuttelworth. “There were certain copulatory promises that were made by Mr. Pearson that simply never materialized. This breach of oral contract, so to speak, has left my client distraught. Compensation is in order.”

That compensation, $75 billion dollars, is to defray the pain and suffering that DeLoach claims never came into being as a result of Pearson’s lackadaisical effort.

The suit makes the following contentions:

Although he did get slightly “jiggy-wid” Ms. DeLoach , Mr. Pearson never in fact “rocked her world.”
Despite Mr. Pearson’s repeated claims to the contrary, Ms. DeLoach was never able to see her deity during intercourse.

Mr. Pearson made repeated, mockingly rhetorical questions that insinuated that Ms. DeLoach does not know who her father is.

Shuttelworth continued, “It’s one thing to claim you’re ‘packing nine in the pants’. It’s quite another thing to surreptitiously be using the metric system when making this statement.”

Filed under Culture, Just Plain Old Nuts, Conservative satire by Buckley F. Williams .

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